


Anniversary

by Ladystiltskin67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: DeanCas - Freeform, Decade of Destiel | 10 Year Anniversary of Lazarus Rising, Destiel Anniversary, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Graphic Description, Human Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, In-Universe Supernatural Fanfiction, Intimacy, M/M, Oral Sex, SPN - Freeform, Supernatural - Freeform, after series, casdean - Freeform, love me some casdean, spn fic - Freeform, supernatural fanific
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 17:04:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16748050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladystiltskin67/pseuds/Ladystiltskin67
Summary: This fic has been my baby for a while now and I put so much effort into giving our boys the happy ending they'll never be able to have. I honestly how you enjoy it and feel free to leave any feedback, comments, or questions. Also thank you for everythingUnfortunately Obsessed  I love you





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been my baby for a while now and I put so much effort into giving our boys the happy ending they'll never be able to have. I honestly how you enjoy it and feel free to leave any feedback, comments, or questions. Also thank you for everything  
> Unfortunately Obsessed I love you

**  
**

*beep beep beep* beep beep beep* beep beep*  smack!

Sam blinked into consciousness looking at the offending alarm clock on the bedside.  6:00 am. Time to get up. It took a little more effort than it use to, but after a good stretch and a deep breath he rose from the warmth of his bed. Getting up this early wasn’t always easy, nor necessary but it gave him a chance to be alone while everyone else slept. He could drink his coffee in peace and relax.

Sam ran his hand through his hair as he stumbled half- awake down the hall to the kitchen. Turning into the room filled with the smell of coffee he saw that Dean was already up and packing a small cooler with beer.

That was odd. Dean was almost never up before him, not unless there was a job to be done. “We going somewhere?”

Dean looked up noticing his brother and paused for a moment. “I’m going somewhere.”

Sam crossed his arms loosely and grinned at his brother. “Needing a little alone time?”

The older brother closed the lid on the cooler with a little too much force. This is exactly why he was trying to get out of here before day break. “Something like that.”

Just then Castiel crept through the doorway in his usual quiet manner looking down at his phone while he spoke. “I’ve put everything on the list in the car. The only thing left is the duffel.”

“And the cooler.” Sam interjected.

Castiel looked up at the taller man and then with an open mouth turned to his best friend. “uh, yes… the cooler.” He walked over to it grabbing the handle looking to Dean for direction.

“Go ahead Buddy. I’ll be out there in a minute”  Dean gave him a soft smile.  Cas gave a small nod at the younger brother as he walked past him out towards the garage.

“So… You’re taking Cas?” Sam eyed his brother with a small pout on his lips.

“Yea.” Dean responded as he grabbed a few dish towels out of the drawer.

“Did you catch a case?” Sam leaned back against the kitchen island and folded his arms. When Dean didn’t answer he bristled. “So you’re not even going to tell me what the case is about? After everything you’re still keeping stuff from me.”

Dean braced his hands on the counter and leaned forward breathing deep through his nose. “I’m not keeping stuff from you.”

“Well you’re not exactly telling me. Is it bad? Is it… is he-“Sam cleared his throat and continued in a whisper. “Is he back?”

Realization hit Dean. “No Sammy. And it’s not a case. We just need some down time.”

“Oh.”  They stared at each other for a few moments. “You weren’t going to tell me.”

“Yes I was, just not until later today.” Dean rushed through his explanation. He didn’t want to talk about this. He hadn’t even explained it to Cas yet. But at seeing the hurt on his baby brothers face he knew he didn’t have much of a choice. “What’s today’s date?”

Sam gave him bitch face number 12 as he began to sass an answer at his brother. “What does it matter what the date is, you-“

“Sam! Just answer me.”  Dean pleaded.

Sam pulled his phone out of the pocket of his sweats.”It’s the 17th.”

Dean looked at him with a raised brow. “And that would make tomorrow?”

“The 18th, Dean what the hell?“  Sam gestured with his hands and then crossed his arms back in front of him. “Are you having a stroke?”

“If you keep this up I will! What happened ten years ago tomorrow?”  Dean looked down at his hands.

“You were raised from Hell.” Sam remembered out loud. It was no surprise though, the day he learned his brother was alive was one of the best days of his life. He stared squinting at his brother, “So is it like some weird torturer recovery thing? Like how people celebrate their sobriety?”

“No smartass.” Dean leveled a glare at his brother. “It’s … Do you remember me telling you where Bobby and I went?”

Sam met him with a glare of his own. “Yea you left me out then too. And you drug Bobby into that old barn to summon Cas….” Sam’s eyes softened and a small smile found his lips. “It’s your anniversary.”

“Shut up.” Dean turned back around busying himself by opening a closing drawers not really sure what he was looking for.

“That’s cute.” The taller man goaded his brother.

“Sam, I swear to God I will punch you.” Keeping his back turned so his brother couldn’t see the evidence of his embarrassment on his cheeks he continued,

“Dude busts ass for us all the time and then saves heaven and all of creation and gets what for it? He got kicked out of his home! After he saved all those winged dicks they just threw him out, back down here without his grace. He deserves something nice so I’m doing something nice for him.”

“Dean.”

“Sam.” Nervousness crept up through his spine. He was not ready to have this conversation.

“So have you told him?” Sam questioned.

“Not exactly, I just told him we were going somewhere and to hurry before you woke up, and you see how that worked out.”  He leaned back against the stove mirroring his brother.

“No, I mean have you told him?” Sam’s curiosity got the better of him.

“I just told you no.” Dean feigned innocence. “Look, we gotta get going. I’ll check in with you when we get there.” Dean gathered the towels and a few other small things quickly leaving the kitchen.

“Ok… Not like you told me where you were going.” Sam said to no one.


	2. Chapter 2

Riding in the impala hadn’t always been comforting to Cas. When he was an angel he found human means of transportation tedious and often useless. After losing his wings he started to understand the necessity, but now that he was human he felt connected to her. It finally clicked why Dean loved her so much. Why even after hours behind the wheel he never complained about her and right now he was getting to experience the pleasant feeling of the cool morning air on his skin. It reminded him of flying.

He repositioned to turn slightly in his seat. “You didn’t tell me where we were going.”

With a relaxed smile dean answered him. “I know.”

Castiel tilted his head in confusion. “Are you going to?”

“No.” With a small smirk Dean leaned forward to turn on the radio signaling the end of the conversation leaving the former angel to brood. Dean new his curiosity would get the best of him soon but for now he could think of how to explain himself. He knew his friend was loyal to a fault, always going along with whatever half-cocked, ill planned idea he had. He probably didn’t even have to explain. Cas would be at his side explanation or not but his own words came back to him. ‘He deserves something nice’  So he would … could do this for him.

His thoughts had been drifting for nearly thirty minutes when he felt a small touch against his pinky finger. Thinking it was Cas he smiled, until he looked down. There, sitting atop his far knuckle was a beast that had haunted more of his nightmares than any monster he’d chased down over the years. It glanced up at him with it’s multitude of eyes and raised its front prickly leg as if to say hello. Remembering almost a little too late that he was currently maneuvering a half ton cast of metal down the road at illegal speeds he took a calming breath. “Heya cas? Wanna get that for me?”

Castiel followed Dean’s glance downward. “Dean, there’s a spider on your hand.”

“No shit genius! Get it off!”  Dean panicked as the 8 legged demon began to inch further up his hand.

“I’m not touching it!” Castiel regarded him with disgust.

“Dude it’s going up my sleeve! Get it off me!” Dean’s voice reached an octave not heard from him since his early twenties.

“If I get it off of you then it’ll be on me! Just throw it out the window!” Castiel had spent his entire existence avoiding his older brother’s most beloved creation and as far as he was concerned they could all go straight back to hell where they belonged.

Dean let out a very unmanly shriek as he felt the intruder scurry up his arm. Yanking the car to the curbside he got out and quickly stripped himself of the jacket tossing it to the ground as he ran his hands over his arms, up under the back of his shirt, and through his hair.

“How the hell was I supposed to throw it out the window when it was on the hand closest to you!”

Removing the jacket wasn’t enough. His entire body felt as if it had been infested and he had to make sure that the spider was gone. Without thinking he yanked his shirts over his head only to find himself stuck. Instead of doing the reasonable thing of lowering his shirts back to his body and then unbuttoning them, the hunter continued to yank upwards. Not his finest moment  

“Dean, what are you doing?” Cas walked next to him and did his best to assist in the removal of a still buttoned flannel and a Henley undershirt. “Dean stop moving” yank

“Will you just..” tug

“Oh for the love of… Dean be still!” Cas took hold of each side of the struggling hunters flannel and yanked them in opposite directions effectively popping the buttons off. He then pulled the over shirt off his friend dropping it to the ground beside them and revealing two beautiful green eyes fixed in a shocked stare. His hands came up to grasp the bunched up material under Dean’s armpits and smoothed it back down his torso.

“You’re ok. I saw the spider get flung from your jacket.” Castiel’s hands still rested on Dean’s hips as he spoke.

With a rush of heat meeting his face Dean cleared his throat. “Oh, uh thanks.” He continued to stare at his friend a little longer than necessary.

“Is this where we’re going?” Cas asked with his hands still resting on Dean’s shirt hem

“What? Uh … no. This isn’t where we’re going.” Dean managed to force the words out just barely loud enough to not be a whisper.

Castiel in turn promptly released his friend and hurried to slide back into his seat in the impala leaving a confused hunter in his wake. The clank of baby’s door being closed woke Dean from his headspace. After a moment to collect himself, he grabbed his discarded jacket and shirt giving them both a few shakes for good measure before tossing them into the back seat as he got situated behind the wheel.

Turning to look at his driving companion he saw that there were hints of a smile on the other man’s face. “Not a single word of this to Sam.”

Turning a full smile towards the hunter Castiel swore to silence. “I promise I won’t tell Sam.”

Dean swiftly maneuvered the car back to the road relaxing with the knowledge that there was only one witness. That was until Cas spoke again. “I am definitely telling your mother though.”


	3. Chapter 3

Dean had driven another 60 miles before deciding to stop for gas and snacks. The fill up didn’t take long and soon they were back on their way to their destination. They rode in comfortable silence for a while or comfortable for Dean anyway. The past few miles every time he’d risk a glance at his passenger, Castiel had begun looking increasingly more uncomfortable with the pass of each mile marker. Dean gave it a few more minutes before he said anything. Maybe Cas just needed to stretch. Dean turned his head again only to catch the former angel furrowing his brow and wearing a prominent frown.

“Dude, you good?” He inquired out loud. Cas gave a non-committal nod and as the road

stretched on in front of them. After a while longer Dean felt the seat shift next to him as Castiel began to squirm.

Dean let out a soft sigh. “Cas?”

“Hmm?”

Dean was prepared to ask him outright if he needed to pull over. Then he was reminded of a 22 year old sam who had sat in the same seat doing the exact same thing. Dean had been genuine in asking but Sam had taken offense to it and yelled at him that he was ‘not a child dean!’

“Mind if we pull over at the next stop?” Dean could see the relief in the blue eyes looking back at him.

“That’s fine Dean.” Cas stated quickly eager to empty his bladder.

Three quarters of a mile up Dean rolled into a gas-n-sip. He had just barely gotten the car in park before Cas had the door flung open stepping out to rush to the bathroom and Dean cut the engine to follow his friend inside. Walking through the entrance he figured he might as well actually use the bathroom so he didn’t look like a complete liar. He looked around on his way to the back taking his time because this was an older gas station and it no doubt had only one toilet. He moved towards what he calls the ‘last minute isle’. There you would find those unique little novelty items, wilted flowers, cards, cheap jewelry, candy, and key chains. Suddenly something caught his eye and the moment he picked it up he knew he was buying it. Dean slipped quickly up to the register to purchase the item before Cas returned from the bathroom and fortunately the young woman at the front rang him up quickly and he was able to slip the box into his pocket just as Castiel appeared in his peripheral.

“Hey buddy, why don’t you grab us a drink while I hit the head?” Dean clapped his shoulder as he passed.

Cas nodded in agreement and was waiting in the car, beverage in hand when the handsome hunter came strolling back to the car.

“Got you coffee. I assumed you didn’t get enough this morning seeing as how you and Sam were arguing.” Cas handed over the thick paper cup once Dean had settled behind the wheel.

“Thanks Cas. And we weren’t arguing. We were just having a discussion.” Dean took a sip of the rich liquid humming his approval.

Castiel already had a hand out waiting to retrieve the cup so Dean could drive easier. “Sounded like arguing to me.”

“Well it wasn’t - thanks- We were just talking about why he wasn’t coming with us.” Dean stated handing the cup back to his passenger.

“Dean?”

“Yea?” Dean turned to look down the road briefly making eye contact  and made sure a car wasn’t coming before he pulled out.

“Why wasn’t Sam allowed to come with us?” He asked with a soft voice almost sounding worried that he wasn’t supposed to be asking.

Dean took a deep breath and made up his mind to be honest. “Because these next few days are just for me and you. I’ve hung out with Sam my whole life, he’ll be ok for a bit while we…catch up.”  

For a moment Cas seemed to accept his answer but Dean knew him better than that.

“You know I’m ok right? I’m better now. I’ve been… I’ve done better. I remember to eat and shower. I’ve been going outside and I know I still don’t like driving or going into town alone but, but I’m better Dean I promise.” Somewhere within his explanation his voice had caught causing him to sound slightly strangled. He sounded defensive and hurt  

“What? Yea Cas. No, I mean I know you’re better now. That’s not what this is about.” Dean wanted so badly to explain but he wasn’t sure how. He hadn’t seen this coming. He knew readjusting to human life had been difficult for his best friend. The weeks that followed the angel’s last fall to earth had been hard to watch. Cas had been withdrawn, forgetful, depressed.

“I’m not broken.” The former angel said indignantly

Dean reached his right hand out to lay it over his friend’s knee. “Cas, I know you’re not broken. I’m not trying to ‘fix’ you. I just wanted to spend some time together ok? Now we don’t have to if you’re not up to it but I was getting restless after you and Sam grounded me to the bunker when I got back.”   

That earned him a small smile and a softer reply. “I’m up to it. Although why you chose me to accompany you I’m still perplexed over”

“Really man? Who else would I spend time with. You’re fun to have around. You don’t get all bitchy at me like Sam does and you don’t complain about everything I do. And you’re up for anything. You don’t even question it, you just go along with it. Like that time we used those water balloons filled with shaving cream on Sam, or when we went to that brothel. Some of the best times of my life have been with you….” Realizing how much he’d just said he felt the first specks of heat blossom on his face. “Besides, all my other friends are dead” He finished with a smirk

“You know, that was almost very kind of you.” Castiel replied.

“Shut up.” Dean good naturedly patted his friends leg where his hand still layed resting on his knee before pulling away. Maybe this was a good idea after all.


	4. Chapter 4

 

Another two hours down the road found the boys pulling into what was hopefully their last stop before the destination. Dean absolutely loathed department stores but he knew it was the only place he could find everything on his lists all at once.

“Ok, last stop and I need your help. I need you to get all the toiletries and stuff while I grab the food and if you see something that’s not on the list that you want go ahead and grab it.” He turned to Castiel handing him a list of items and a card to pay with.

“Very well… Dean?” Castiel was confused by one thing, well two things on the list.

“Hmm?” Dean answered while checking his phone.

“What is … Baby oil? And why do we need it?” The former angel asked with his familiar head tilt.

If Dean was being honest he had forgotten that had been put on the list. He knew what he had intended to purchase it for when he’d been making the list but he didn’t need to clue Cas in on that just yet. It was part of the surprise.

As they made their way into the store Dean answered the best he could while grabbing a shopping cart for himself and wheeling one forward to Cas. “It’s a mineral oil. It has lots of uses.”

Dean started off to the produce without any further explanation leaving Castiel to collect the items on his list. Once he had retrieved everything on the list plus a few things of his own the former angel proceeded to the check out. Since Dean had given him one of ‘their’ credit cards he figured he’d go ahead and pay then wait for his friend in the car. Walking towards the cash register a small white box caught his eye and he knew that he had to buy the item. Thankfully check out was easy. Quickly shooting a text to Dean, Cas loaded the car and placed the small box in his coat pocket for safe keeping. Not long after Cas spotted the hunter round the bumper of the van next to them and 5 minutes later they were back on the road.

As Dean drove he could sense Castiel’s curiosity getting the best of him. It had been It was almost as he could hear the gears turning in his brain… he knew it was coming in 3…2….1…

“Is it much further?” Castiel questioned.

“Nah buddy not too much further. I’d say ten minutes or so.” Dean answered with a fond smile on his lips.

The impala slowed not even two minutes later to pull onto a road that looked barely wide enough for one car. As they drove further down the road the former angel got the notion that it wasn’t a road at all but a driveway, the longest of which he’d ever seen. A few minutes later they were winding through a wooded area when Dean slowed even further. Cas soon realized they had ran out of pavement. Regardless, the hunter continued to drive. Roughly an eighth of a mile later he veered left between two trees and drove through a clearing pulling up to one of the prettiest little cabins the new human had ever laid eyes on.  It was small but looked well kept. In the front yard nestled between two of the many surrounding trees sat a woven hammock and in many of the tree branches a bird feeder could be found. Surrounding the front of the house were a multitude of flowers; butterfly bush, lilac, evening primrose, mums, and even a few he didn’t quite recognize.

“Is this where we’re going?” Cas spoke barely above a whisper.

“This is where we’re going.” Dean turned to look at his friends reaction and ended getting caught up in the way his blue eyes sparkled.

“Beautiful.”

“Yes it really is… Dean, thank you for bringing me here.” Cas stated as he opened the door to step out and get a better view.  

Dean finally caught up to himself and got out of the car to witness what was going on in front of him. “Yea, uh there’s a table and stuff out back, creek down that a way through the woods, and we’re only a twelve minute drive to the lake.”

“What?”

“The lake, it’s only a bit down the road-”

“No, I heard you. It’s just that you were staring at me.” Cas narrowed his eyes as he spoke

“No I wasn’t.” Dean had the nerve to sound offended. To which Castiel replied by raising his eyebrow.

“Can I see it?” He inquired.

“See it?” Dean asked, he definitely asked. In a normal voice. No squeaking involved.  

“Yes. I assume you didn’t bring me all this way for nothing.” Cas stated as he walked back towards the car. “Besides, we need to get the groceries in before they spoil.”

Dean and Cas walked to the front door arms loaded with bags and smiles on their faces. The hunter quickly set his items down long enough to unlock the door swinging it open as he went through. The internal layout made their temporary home seem much bigger than it looked from the outside. Immediately in front of them lay a beautiful rug that worked as a division between the living room off to the right and the dining/ kitchen area to the left. The pair headed to the table in the kitchen to deposit their bags.

“You wanna start putting stuff away? I’ll go grab our duffels” Dean asked as he walked back to the door.

Cas threw out a “sure.” as he began to unload the cold items from their shopping trip.

Dean opened Baby’s back doors and grabbed their duffels, easily slipping the package from earlier into his own. He looked over his shoulder to be sure Cas wasn’t around, then swung up the bags and walked back to the house.

Cas looked at Dean as he entered. “What exactly are we preparing for food today?”

“Whatever you want Sunshine.” Cas couldn’t hide his smile at the familiar nickname.

“Sandwiches for lunch and Spaghetti for dinner?” Cas loved carbs and just the thought of pasta had his eyes lighting up.

“Can do captain. Got stuff to make garlic bread too.” Dean held up the italian baggett for show.

“And Salad?” Dean hadn’t looked back up but he could feel those big blue puppy dog eyes.

“Yea I guess. But I’m adding bacon bits.” The hunter grumbled as he began pulling more stuff out of the bags. “I’ll get lunch started if you’ll go put the non-kitchen stuff up.”

With a small nod the former angel began grabbing the bags with the miscellaneous items to sort through. A simple enough task on its own except Castiel had never been here before, where was he supposed to put everything? Great, now he was nervous and for no reason. He still didn’t understand why such small things caused a panic in him. Logically he knew that he could put stuff where ever he wanted and it wouldn’t matter. However, there was this small nagging voice in the back of his head that kept telling him how useless he was. He can’t even perform a simple task on his own. What if he put something in the wrong spot and Dean needed said item and couldn’t find it. Slightly shaking himself he took a deep breath and carried the bags to the other room closing the door behind him. Maybe he wasn’t better… If he hadn’t been so distracted he would have noticed the beautiful bedroom set. Dark cherry wood polished to a shine made up the frame of the sleigh bed, the dresser, wardrobe, and frame for the mirror.

He dropped the bags on the bed with a little more force than necessary and wincing when he heard the sounds the items made. He hoped he didn’t bust any jars.

‘Start small Cas… go with what you know’ He pulled out the toilet paper. Easy enough to place. He walked through to the adjoining bathroom and placed one roll on the holder and the rest went under the sink inside the cabinet. Just like at home. This wasn’t too bad. Next the tooth paste, brushes, and mouthwash found their respective homes on the large granite sink top. Next the shampoo and body wash… maybe just going ahead and putting it in the shower was best. It was a better option than putting it in the cabinet to be forgotten when the time came to use it. Same with the shower gel. Just as he was starting to feel better about this he walked back to the bed to pull out the baby oil.

‘I don’t even know what this does, where the hell am I supposed to put it?’ Cas felt the small tingle of panic back in his chest.

“Cas! Lunch is ready!” Saved by the Dean. Cas sat the bottle on the bedside table. He could finish his freak out after lunch.

“Coming!” he quickly gathered the discard bags lining them one inside the other using them for the bathroom trash can. He quickly washed his hands and went to join his friend.

Lunch was uneventful as the boys spent their time horking down two sandwiches each and nearly a whole bag of cheetos. Well it was uneventful until Cas ate his last chip and began licking the cheese dust from his fingers. Dean took a large gulp of his tea nearly choking as an explicit image popped into his head.

“You ok?” Bright blue eyes stared him down as the man spoke around his once cheese covered finger.

Dean cleared his throat choosing to plead the fifth as he stood to retrieve a paper towel. Knowing from experience that a dry paper towel wasn’t going to get the job done, he wet it a bit under the faucet before handing it over. “This should help.”

Castiel accepted it with a small smile beginning to clean his hands he mused aloud.

“What do we do now?”

“Well I’m going to unpack my bag, I can get yours too if you want.” Dean had already grabbed the duffles from the floor.

“You don’t have to do that.”  

“I don’t mind. It’s just clothes…. It Is just clothes isn’t it?” Dean raised one eyebrow pursing his lips to hide a smile.

“Yes it’s just clothes!” Cas threw his wet paper towel at his annoying friend’s face.

Dean let out a small chuckle as he dodged the dirty wet nap. “I’m just teasing. I’ll get the bags, you relax. There’s some books by the couch and the remote is on the table if you feel like TV. Holler if you need anything.”

Dean shuffled both bags and himself through the door only to be struck with an odd thought. Cas hadn’t mentioned Anything about the sleeping arrangements. Planning the trip Dean had known there was only one bedroom with one bed. And as large as it was it was he still hadn’t been brave enough to broach the subject with his best friend. He’d probably just take the couch anyway. But, what if he didn’t? This was too much to think about and he realized he probably should have planned things out a little better.

“Son of a bitch…” Dean pulled out his phone and dialed.

“Hey. You guys ok?” Sam’s first instinct always led him to worry.

“Yea we’re ok.” Dean didn’t feel so good though.

“You uh, you sound a little down.” Sam wouldn’t push, but Dean needed to know he was there

“I’m ok. I just… I need… I didn’t think.” He didn’t even know where to start

“Well that’s a given-” Sam chuckled and was cut off

“Ok I’m hanging up…”

“Wait! Really though, what happened?” So freaking sensitive today

“I Brought him up here to the cabin…. The one with one bedroom.” If people could die of embarrassment…

“Oh. Um, well… one of you could take the couch right?”

“I don’t want to.” Dean said with more confidence than he felt

“Ok, well maybe Cas will.” Sam was beginning to worry about his brother…

“I don’t want him to either.” He could break a thermometer by now.

“Wait. So there’s one bed and you don’t want either of you to take the couch?” Sam couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Maybe he was misinterpreting it  

“…….” Dean was literally suffocating

“So is it just like a comfort issue or…?” This isn’t happening. There is no way his emotionally constipated brother could mean what he thought he meant.

“No, not exactly.” I can’t do this, I can’t do this, oh God I feel sick. He could hear the strain and panic in his own voice

“Dean, hey brother, just talk to me.” Sam softened his tone when he heard Dean breathing faster.

“Sammy… I… I don’t… I think… Maybe it would be nice?” I’m going to puke

“Ok look, I’m going to say something and I need you to really hear me. Got it?” Time to bottom line it.

“I’m listening Sam.” This was it. Sam was going to shut him down, tell him to nut-up and that he didn’t want to hear it.

“I love you Dean. You’re my brother and nothing changes that, nothing. And if what I’m hearing right now, is that you finally got the courage to find your own happiness then I will support you completely. And if I’m way off base and you just mean that neither of your backs could handle that old lumpy pull out, then my advice is to grab an extra blanket and one of you sleep above the covers.” good job sam…. Covered all options

“That’s it huh? You’re uh… supportive?” Maybe he wasn’t going to puke.

“Of course I am Dean. And I’m always here if you want to share…. Just no details please.” Sam laughed out the last part.

“Can do Sammy. And uh… you too ya know, the first part. And thanks.” Pressing the ‘end call’ button he set the phone down and continued putting away the remaining items in the bags Cas had grabbed then started on the clothes. He didn’t care too much if his clothes got creases or wrinkles aside from his fed suit  so he stashed his things in the drawers and hung most of Castiel’s clothes minus the underwear and socks. Unbeknownst to the former angel Dean had taken it upon himself to buy extra of both a few days prior and added them to his friends collection. Nothing weird there right? Friends can buy friends underwear…. Screw it. He knew Cas needed them and would never bother to ask or get his own so he did it for him. That’s what you do for people you … care about.


	5. Chapter 5

Twenty minutes later Dean emerged from the now fully settled bedroom only to find his friend fast asleep in front of the T.V. lightly snoring. He should have expected it honestly. He knew Cas loved his sleep. Well now anyway. Suddenly Dean drifted into a memory.

*******************************************************************************************************

“Cas, buddy… you’ve been back for three days and you’ve barely even moved.” His efforts were met with silence.

“Come on man. You haven’t showered or slept. Sam said you wouldn’t even drink, not even coffee. You love coffee.” more silence.

“Cas you’re human now, and I know that you know that you need to at least drink. If you go too long your body will start to shut down.” Still nothing.

“You’ll die Cas!” Dean was starting to lose his cool with the pouting man

“Who cares.” Cas barely breathed out. Instead of yelling like he wanted to Dean went to the kitchen. He poured a cool glass of water and whipped up a pb&j sandwich. Returning to the table Dean sat the items in front of the fallen Angel

“Here.” When Cas said nothing he pushed further.

“You are going to eat. And you’re going to drink this entire glass of water and then you’re going to rest.” Dean wasn’t above using his dad voice.

“Why?” The former angel put zero sarcasm into the question. It mostly just sounded sad.

Dean crouched down to level with those striking blue eyes. “Because I care Cas. Now eat up and then we can fall asleep in front of the tv.”

“Ok… Thank you Dean.” Dean stood and deposited himself in the chair opposite his friend. At first they both just sat. Dean staring at Cas and Cas staring at the floor. To get his point across Dean shoved the plate forward and continued to stare. Cas took a tentative bite of the sandwich at first then dug in when he finally realized how hungry he was. When he was done he chugged the glass of water and stood to follow the hunter  to the ‘Dean Cave’

“Make yourself comfortable. I’ll keep the volume low so I can hear you in case  you need something.” The response he got was an indignant grunt.

“I get it man, I really do. But you have to sleep.” Instead of replying Castiel reclined in the chair mirroring Dean drifting off almost instantly.

After that first nap Dean and Sam would often find cas huddled up in various places in the bunker with his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open. He would sleep through the night in his room but for naps he preferred to stay in whatever room someone else was in. The brothers never questioned him though. They all dealt in their own way and who were they to get in the way of a good nap.

*****************************************************************************************************

Dean quietly slipped the throw off the back of the couch and draped it over his sleeping companion. The guy sure did love his sleep. Dean smiled and moved through the cabin tidying small things, opening the windows as he went. Cas would be out for at least an hour so that meant he had some time to collect his thoughts. He was nervous ok? It wasn’t like he was oblivious, he knew Castiel cared for him a great deal more than he deserved, but they didn’t talk about it.

I’m not gay. And he wasn’t. Dean could say that with absolute certainty that he liked women. Sure there had been a few cases over the years where he stretched the boundaries, but that was for work and he was not flirting. He was being charming, getting the job done. It’s called charisma. But there was that one guy…. No! He wasn’t going there. He wasn’t thinking about that. That boy had been his friend and nothing more.

******************************************************************************************************

“Dean, stop being such a jerk and just come swimming with me.” The boy with dark hair splashed some water towards his friend.

“I’m not getting in that water dude. It’s freezing cold.” Dean also didn’t want to be nearly naked in front of another guy. He didn’t have any trunks with him, just his boxer-briefs.

“It’s hot as hell outside Dean, the water feels good. Come on man we only have a few days left.” Sadness creeped into his friends voice. And it was true. His dad called and Said he’d be home by Monday so that meant they’d be leaving again soon. Groaning he began to peel his sweaty shirt off.

“Dude don’t watch!” Dean noticed he was being stared at.

“Can’t help it. That’s impressive. I mean you’re 16 and totally ripped. I’m 17 and I look like I’m 12” Despite Dean’s request the boy continued to stare.

“What if I told you that I can’t swim.” Dean was only half kidding. He could most likely survive in the water if needed but he never had much practice.

“Then I would tell you that I’m right here and that I wouldn’t let you die… now get in the water.” His friend saw that he was still hesitant so he swam over to the side of the pool and stretched a hand out

“So first you look at me like a starved man and now you want to hold hands in the water?” Deflect Dean. That will work.

“Come on it’s just us…. I never pictured big bad Dean Winchester as a coward.” he knew taunting would probably do the trick. Dean was many things but-

“I’m not a coward.” Dean took his hand and crouched down to lower himself into the water. It was warmer than he expected and it felt nice, but the thought of sinking made him a bit anxious. His friends hand moved to release his but soon moved to hold his side.

“You’re doing great, want me to let go?”

“Yea I think I got it.” Dean spent all of five seconds without support before the panic set in. He still managed to stay afloat but it felt less fun and more stressful. Noticing he was upset the other boy moved back to support him.

“Hey, breathe. I’m right here.” His voice was soothing just as the hand he had placed on Dean’s ribs.

“This is so gay.” Dean blurted out before he could stop himself.

“Yea it kinda is.” his friend laughed out. “But it’s just the two of us out here so it doesn’t matter.”

“Is that how I’m supposed to look at it then? It’s not gay if there’s no witnesses.” He was so mad at himself for not pushing the other boy away. If his father saw this….

“Yea you know the saying, if the tree falls in the forest and there’s no one around to hear it, does it still land on the gay couple underneath?” He laughed at the look on Dean’s face

“That’s not the saying asshole!” Dean couldn’t help but laugh

“Do you trust me?” The Dark haired boy suddenly turned serious.

“I think so?” Did he? Did he trust someone who he’d only known a few months.

“I want to teach you how to swim. It might come in handy with your lifestyle.” He leveled a glare at his friend.

“What do you mean my lifestyle?”  Dean suddenly felt nervous again.

“I don’t know. I just know that you guys move around a lot. And you and Sammy both are like … I don’t know. There’s something different about you. You’re both insanely strong and agile and you guys always look like you’re waiting for an attack. And I wasn’t going to mention it but I see the bruises and cuts. So maybe swimming would be a good skill to have.” He worried that his green eyed friend would take offense but instead he did something extremely out of character. Dean leaned in for a quick hug.

“Ok yea, I don’t know how much you can teach me in two days but let’s give it a shot.” Truth be told Dean was greatful and slightly surprised that anyone cared that much.

******************************************************************************************************

Coming back to himself Dean realized that he’d never bothered asking Cas if he knew how to swim. Maybe they could do that if he was up for it, spend some time at the lake down the road. What did that say about him though? Dean sat down in the chair next to the couch and gazed at Castiel’s sleeping form. What does that say about him? He use to yell at Cas for doing the same thing telling him it was “creepy”.

It was though. Doesn’t matter how well you know someone… except… it made him happy to finally see his angel at peace. Also since becoming a human permanently it had been difficult to keep the man still. After that first week he was always in motion. If he wasn’t doing something, he was fidgeting. Dean never scolded him for it though, he remembered what it felt like to be at unrest in your own body.  

And then there was the bed thing. If I’m not gay why do I want a guy to sleep in bed next to me? He couldn’t deal with this. He stood quietly trying to avoid waking his friend and went outside to walk. He followed a small path through the woods to the creek. This wasn’t working like it normally did. He found that the more he walked the more upset he became. Reaching the small stream of water he sat and folded his arms around his knees and breathed deep. He felt a lump rise in his throat. Why did he feel like this? Why couldn’t he just be normal? When Cas was an angel he could use the excuse that he wasn’t really a guy, that he was just borrowing Jimmy’s body. But Jimmy’s been gone for a long time. It’s just Cas now. It was still different somehow. Not that Jimmy wasn’t a nice looking guy… he just wasn’t Cas and Dean had felt nothing towards him at all.

He pulled out his phone and dialed again.

“Hello.”

“Hey Sammy.” Dean felt like crying

“What’s wrong?” And Sam could tell

“You said I could talk to you right?” why was this so difficult

“Of course Dean.”

“What’s it mean, like what’s the word for someone who’s straight but… likes someone that’s… another person, like them?” He was horrible at this

“Well, uh if you mean someone who’s straight but has one exception? Then that would be heteroflexible. Or maybe pansexual.” Sam had only briefly looked into the classifications so he wasn’t 100% on either.

“What’s the difference?” Dean needed to know what he was.

“Well if I understood it correctly the simple version a pan is basically you fall for the person, like who they are regardless of their gender or sex. And heteroflexible would be you are straight with maybe an exception.” He was so not qualified to teach someone about this stuff.

“Wouldn’t that be bi?” This was confusing.

“Bisexual is when you’re attracted to males and females. I thought we were talking about you specifically so i mentioned flexible because I’ve never known you to be attracted to another guy so bi didn’t really seem to fit.”

“So what’s the thing with pan? How’s that different?”

“Well I don’t know how Cas classifies himself so dependant on who he is… I know that doesn’t change anything but it just seemed to be an option.” He was so worried he was going to upset his brother.

“So that’s what I am… flexible?” Dean felt the lump reappear in his throat.

“Dean you don’t have to put a label to it.” He felt horrible for his brother

“But if I don’t name it then how do I know what’s wrong with me?” The dam broke and tears fell from his eyes.

“Dean there is nothing wrong with you.” Sam ran a hand through his hair in frustration

“It’s not normal Sammy, I’m not normal.” He felt awful. His voice kept breaking and his chest hurt.

“Dean, nothing in our lives is normal. It’s ok for you to care about who you care about and you don’t have to explain that to anyone, yourself included. You don’t have to put a label on it. Please don’t overthink this. Don’t talk yourself out of a good thing because you’re scared. I mean heaven literally sent him to you. What other proof do you need to know it’s ok?” Sam hated their upbringing a little more right now.

“Dad ….” He felt like he’d be a disappointment

“Dad’s ass, Dean. First off he was wrong about so many things and the way he treated you was the first. Second, he’s dead. Live your life and do what makes you happy. You’ve earned it.” Talking about John always riled Sam up.

“Yea, ok Sammy.” Dean scrubbed his sleeve across his face.

“Dean please, don’t let anything take this from you. We’re finally safe. Live your life.”

“Thanks Sam.”  Dean hung up and Sat a little longer enjoying the sounds of the world around him.


	6. Chapter 6

Castiel blinked, slowly waking from his impromptu nap. He stretched allowing the stiffness to leave his body. He stood slowly as to not make himself dizzy. That was a lesson he only needed to learn once. He walked through the cabin just taking it all in. It really was beautiful. He noticed the clock showed it was nearly 2pm. He looked outside and saw the impala still sitting in the drive. Maybe Dean was outside…. Cas sat back down and grabbed a book.

‘The song of Achilles’ Looked interesting enough. He got comfy and began reading. He had somehow managed to make it half way through the book when he realized Dean still wasn’t back. Glancing at the clock he saw it was almost 4:30. Beginning to get nervous he pulled out his phone to shoot a text to his friend.

*Hey you’ve been gone a while. Everything ok?*

It didn’t take too long for him to get a response but the seconds in between were enough to stir up some anxiety.

*Omw back. Went for a walk. See you in a few minutes.*

The reply helped ease his nerves a bit but now he was slightly upset that Dean hadn’t left a note or something. He didn’t have long to be angry before he heard footsteps. Out of habit he stood always prepared to fight if need be.

“It’s just me Cas.” Dean smiled gently at him.

“I know.” Dean looked a little disheveled. His eyes were glossy and pink and his stance was that of a tired man

“So you knew it was me and were going to throw the book anyway?” his smile broadened.

“What? Oh no.” Cas set the book back on the table “You look upset what’s wrong?” leave it to Cas to notice.

“I’m ok. Just been thinking.” he stepped a little closer to the former Angel.

“What were you thinking about?” whatever it was must have been bad if it was enough to make the hunter cry.

“Just things about me… About my life.” If Cas didn’t know better he could have been convinced he saw a stray tear fall.

“I can see that whatever it was has upset you. Is there anything I can do to ease your discomfort?” Always the selfless savior

“Um yea actually… Can, uh can you just come here for a minute?” Dean reached out and folded his arms around the shorter man’s neck. Cas had just barely began to hug back when Dean started to pull away. Suddenly some pressure on his lower back stopped him.

“You said a minute, that was hardly ten seconds.” Cas squeezed a little tighter as he felt Dean chuckle. “Since I have you here, are you going to tell me what got you so upset?”

Dean gave one last squeeze before he leaned back to wipe his face. Cas still held him loosely allowing the hunter some space.

“Yea I will… But can it wait for a little bit? I really need a shower.”

“Of course Dean. Go shower. Would you like me to start dinner?” He dropped his hands and took a step back. He wasn’t really sure how to cook most things but he could probably handle spaghetti.

“You don’t have to do that. I know you and the stove don’t get along.” Dean chuckled as the memory of Castiel trying to cook flashed through his mind.

“True. I could make the salad though.” Tearing open a bag or two and mixing it together would be easy enough.

“Yea ok Buddy. You make the salad and I’ll be back out in a few.” Dean clapped him on his shoulder walking by as he spoke.

Castiel began pulling things from the fridge. A bag of mixed greens was the first along with some cherry tomatoes, cucumber, bacon bits and a small block of cheese.  He grabbed a large bowl out of the cabinet and poured the contents of the bag into it. He then carefully sliced the tomatoes in half and diced the cucumber. He quickly grated the parmesan and tossed on some croutons he’d found. He eyed it for a moment then dumped on a healthy portion of the bacon bits. He was a little proud. He had managed to put everything together and avoided breaking anything or cutting himself.

By the time Dean was back Castiel had picked back up his book.

“Song of Achilles huh? That’s a good book. You like it so far?” Dean sauntered to the kitchen in his sweats and a white t-shirt with his hair still damp. It was not often he let his hair go unstyled but he could be completely comfortable here, so he was going to be.

“I love it. It’s a very touching story. But I already know that Achilles dies so it’s hard not to feel sad. Either way Patroclus loses him.” Cas felt as if he could relate.

“That is true. But just because you know a story ends doesn’t mean you shouldn’t find out what happened along the way.” Dean began pulling things from the fridge and cabinets as he spoke.

“I suppose, are you feeling better?” He was still concerned about Dean’s earlier behavior. It was so unlike him to go searching for physical attention from Cas.

“Yea, I am thank you. And thanks for being there earlier when I needed you.” He could do this. He could be open and honest. It’s just Cas.

“I’ll always be there for you. Do you want any assistance with dinner?”

“No man, I’ve got it. Go read your book.” Dean gave him a soft smile and continued to prep their meal.

Castiel was ¾ of the way through the book when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Dinners ready.” And boy was it ever. Dean had taken advantage of Castiel’s distraction to really prepare a meal. There were two plates set with actual cloth napkins and utensils. There was even a candle lantern burning and two glasses of red wine. The bread and salad had been set out and the shorter man’s mouth began to water as he acknowledged the delicious smelling pasta and sauce.

“This looks… you didn’t have to do all of this.” Cas was perplexed. He knew Dean could cook but he wasn’t aware that he was into aesthetics.

“I know… But I figured we had the time and all the things needed so, why not? Come on let’s go eat.” As he walked past the side he’d set Cas up on he pulled the chair out then quickly grabbed his own seat. He waited patiently for Cas to take the first bite marveling at the look on his face.

“Dean this tastes amazing. How come you don’t make this at home?” The blue eyes bore through him as he shoveled in another bite of noodles.

“I did once. And Sasquatch ate it all. And I mean all of it. I barely got a bite. So I just never made it again.” he smiled around a bite of garlic bread.

“Maybe if Sam’s ever out for the night we can have this for dinner. I see you’re actually eating the salad, are you enjoying it?” He raised his eyebrow at the hunter.

“Remember that you’re sworn to secrecy as my best friend and you must never speak a word of this to my brother… but yes I like it.“ he squinted at his friend as he laughed.

“Ok I won’t tell… Sam.” after a pointed look he amended his sentence. “I won’t tell Sam or Mary.” they continued their meal in comfortable silence. When they were done Dean began clearing the table. When Castiel began to help Dean shooed him away.

“Finish the book so you can cry it out.” Dean began putting the leftovers into containers.

“Can we talk instead?” Cas asked cautiously

“I’m guessing you meant about earlier?” when all Cas did was nod Dean continued. “Yea, we can talk about it.”

When he said nothing more Castiel prompted him. “Well what had you so upset?”  

Dean dried his hands and walked to his friend grabbing his arm as he went and guiding him to the couch. When they were both seated Dean withdrew his hand and took a deep breath.

“I don’t know who I am. I’ve spent the better part of 40 years believing I was one thing, and it turns out that I’m another… and it upset me.” He was so worried he was explaining this wrong.

“I understand. I went through something similar when I rebelled from heaven.” always understanding

“You said you did that for me, did you mean it?”

“Of course I did. Nearly everything I’ve done in that manner since raising you from perdition has been for you.” the words flowed so easily

“I wish I could do that… I wish I could just say what I meant.” He knew this was going to be a struggle.

“You can. You just have to stop worrying about how your words are perceived. You’re responsible for what you say, not for what others understand.” at times like this Cas actually sounded his age.

“Ok… so um earlier I walked out of the bedroom to find you asleep on the couch. And I… I kinda, well I watched you for a minute  -And before you say anything yes I know I’ve told you not to do that-  Anyway I was looking at you and I felt… there was this. Cas I’m not good at this ok?” The hunter was visibly struggling.

“It’s ok Dean. You don’t have to tell me if you can’t. Just know that I’m here if you need me” He really wanted to know but he didn’t want to upset his friend further.

“But I want you to know. It’s just hard to explain this to you when I don’t really understand it myself. See, my whole life I’ve been athletic, tough, a ladies man… a soldier. I did what I was supposed to do. And then you literally bust into my life and turned me ass over elbows.”

“I’m not sure that’s…” After the look Dean had given him, Castiel decided it was against his better judgement to interrupt. “…Continue?”

“You told me that I had no faith and you were right, you were so right Cas. I didn’t have any faith. And then an Angel of the lord believed in me. You told me that good things do happen and I didn’t believe you until you became my best friend, until God gave you back to me. I always thought that I knew who I was and it turns out that I didn’t know at all.” Dean took a moment to collect himself running a hand through his hair.

“I thought it’d be the road… bullets booze and one night stands the rest of my life. And it turns out that I don’t think I want that anymore. I want a home and people I care about there with me. I want you there with me, if that’s what you want too. You understand?” His heart sped up in fear that Cas would reject him.

“So you were upset because you don’t want to be who you thought you were?” Castiel tilted his head slightly and stared into Dean’s soul

“Exactly.”

“And watching me… wanting me around upset you further?” The former angel looked shead at nothing furrowing his brow somehow even more confused.

“Yes.”

Castiel turned the full force of his gaze back to the hunter, “Why?”  

“Because that’s something that you’re supposed to want with … Having these feelings, it’s supposed to be something that happens with a… not guy.”

“Oh…uh are, are you sure that this…?” Castiel couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Maybe he was misunderstanding. He did that often  

“Well, I’ve had about a decade to think it over. So yea I think I’m sure.” Dean smiled softly at him still waiting for the rejection.

“Dean, I don’t want to misinterpret the situation or make you uncomfortable.” He began to fidget again, picking at imaginary dirt under his nails. Dean gently took his hand and waited for blue eyes to meet him.

“I don’t think you are, but if it helps I can be a little more blunt.” When all he got was a curt nod the hunter continued. “I prefer your company, I like you as more than a friend, different than I’ve said in the past. You’re not a brother to me Cas, you’re more.” He could feel his hand shaking an he wasn’t sure if it was him or Cas.

“What do I do?” Castiel whispered.

“Well nothing if you don’t want to. You don’t have to feel obligated to do anything if you aren’t comfortable. But If you want, you can tell me what you think.”

“I think I’m scared.” Castiel pulled away and stood to pace the floor. “Not of you, just how this is making me feel.” He suddenly stopped and took a deep breath. Crouching in front of Dean he met the hunters eyes. “I love you Dean. You know I do. I’ve told you and shown you in most of the ways I know how…”

“But?” His throat felt tight again but he wasn’t going to cry, he wasn’t going to guilt Cas into this.

“But I’m worried that you’re going to let me get close and then panic and push me away and I, I can’t handle that. If you’re serious about this, if you really want to share those things with me then you have to be all in. You can’t love me one day and hate me the next.” Now Cas looked like he might cry. This was too much for one day.

“I’m not perfect Cas, but I promise that I’ll try my hardest not to push you away. We’ve done better lately with talking about things and listening to each other and I’ll keep doing that even if you turn me down.”

“Turn you down?” He was so confused tonight. Why were these things so complicated?

“Yea even if you don’t want this, you’re still going to be my best friend. Right?” This time a tear did fall

“Of course. I’ll always be your best friend. I’m your only friend. All the others are dead, you said so yourself.” Dean laughed at that.

“Are you serious? Making jokes at a brokenhearted man… how cruel.” Dean feigned offence

“There’s no need to be brokenhearted.” Cas gave him a shy smile.

“Really?”

“Of course Dean.” The hunter leaned forward and hugged the other man tightly

“Thanks Cas.” He pulled away allowing Castiel to reposition himself on the couch.

“I’m sorry that you were upset.”

“It’s ok… people need to have a breakdown every once in a while. Wanna watch a movie with me?”

“No cowboys.” And he meant it this time. He loved his hunter but he’d had his fill of westerns

“Oh my God, fine! But we’re not watching a chick-flick. Pick out something I’m gonna go check on Sam and Jack.” Dean walked out the door releasing a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and allowed the nerves to roll off him. He quickly dialed his brother. Damn I’m needy today

“Yea?” The familiar deep voice answered

“Hey Sam.”

“Well you sound better, did you talk to him?” Sam walked quickly to his room closing the door behind him

“Yea I did. But, I’m kinda confused. He said some stuff, I said some stuff… but then” Dean dropped off not knowing how to describe what had happened.

“But then what?” Sam couldn’t help himself, this was exciting.

“Nothing. We said stuff and then, nothing.” He was so confused and it had him pacing the front yard.

“I’m not followin.”

“We didn’t do anything. I mean not that I’m expecting him to do anything but I don’t know where we stand you know? I mean I hugged him-” He looked up and saw Cas standing in front of him. And the next thing he knew the phone he’d been holding was now in the shorter man’s hands.

“Dean? Dean are you there?”

“It’s me Sam. Dean’s ok but we’re going to be otherwise occupied for a while. We’ll call you in the morning?” Cas spoke the words into the phone but was staring straight at the hunter giving him the look. The I’m not sure if I’m going to fuck you or smite you look.

“Uh, yea Cas ok. You guys have a good time.”

“We will. Tell Jack I love him.” With that he hung up the phone still looking directly into the eyes of a flustered man.

“I’m, a … I didn’t mean to …uh sorry?” Dean could seem to get a full sentence together

Castiel graced the hunter with a rare full-on smile. It faltered slightly as he stepped ever closer into his friends personal space. His facial expression became serious as he reached out to place a hand at the nape of the hunters neck holding eye contact the entire time, stopping only to glance at Dean’s lips briefly before leaning in closer. He moved slowly to allow the other man time to pull away if he wanted, and when that didn’t happen Castiel closed the space between them to slot their lips together.

Dean was frozen. Fear coursed through him and he wasn’t sure if it was the action he was afraid of, or the possibility of it stopping. With all the courage he could muster he closed his eyes and leaned into the contact. His hands moved without his consent to rest firmly on the swell of the other man’s hips and yank him forward so he could better participate. He tilted his head and relaxed as he felt two strong hands cup his cheeks. It wasn’t passionate like he had fantasized. The kiss wasn’t angry or desperate it was better… more. It felt like safety and love and home. He sighed contentedly as he felt a hand move from his cheek down his chest and trail up the outside of his arm. He pulled back just slightly to catch a breath. Suddenly the hand that still rested on his face pushed inward slightly and Castiel placed a small kiss to his other cheek

“Apparently I wasn’t clear enough earlier, my apologies.” a smile could be heard in his voice.

“Apology accepted.” Dean laughed out.

They stood like that for a moment smiling at each other. It had finally happened. After a decade or staring at those lips he was able to feel them. And just like that, he was done for. Dean Winchester was ruined to everyone and everything that wasn’t Castiel from this moment on. The best part? He didn’t give a damn.

“You still wanna watch a movie with me?” How it was possible to feel this shy and nervous as a grown man he would never understand.

“Yes.” Two unbelievably blue eyes shone with excitement. And if he didn’t know better Dean would have sworn there was a bit of mischief there as well.

Cas threaded his fingers through the other mans and led him back inside where the horror he’d been dreading awaited. Dean took one look at the T.V. screen and realized immediately how screwed he was, for there, in front of his own eyes was the title menu for Marley and Me. And no matter how much he wanted to, he didn’t protest.

“Hey, you wanna postpone this for a few so you can go shower and put something comfy on?”

“Yes that would actually be better, I think I ate too much my waistband is starting to feel uncomfortable.” Dean tried not to laugh but a slight chuckle escaped. Before heading off to the shower the former angel turned to his hunter once more and placed a soft kiss to his mouth rendering Dean momentarily speechless as he snuck away to get cleaned up


	7. Chapter 7

 

Cas walked into the large bedroom and closed the door behind him and let out a slow breath to steady himself. It felt so unreal and for a moment he wondered if he’d been nabbed by a djinn. Then it occurred to him that he was supposed to be doing something.

“Shower, right. Clothes?” He looked through the drawers finding mostly Dean’s clothes. Finally he was able to find an underwear drawer with his things in there and also some new items? Without thinking too much about it he grabbed a dark forest green pair, some ankle socks and a dark grey t-shirt. He threw the items on the bed and peeled off his road-stiff clothes. Adjusting the water to the right temperature he stepped under the spray and his thoughts took an unexpected turn.

Without his consent flashes of an equally wet Dean flickered through his mind. He soaped up hoping that being physically focused on a task would distract his brain. And it did for a minute, until the soft bubble slick puff ball ventured below the crease in between his hips. His breath caught at the feeling and he felt heat spread over his whole body at the mental image he’d drummed up. He allowed the feeling for a moment before shame overtook him. Dean was waiting and he was in here being a pervert.

He mentally shook himself and finished washing. Taking care to make sure he rinsed all the soap from his hair (he forgot a few times, big deal) he shut the water off and rubbed the water from his skin with the softest fluffiest towel he’d ever seen. He made a mental note to ask Dean if they could get some for the bunker and made his way back to the bed to slip his clothes on.  

Dean sat on the couch mentally replaying the best kiss of his life when he heard the door opening. Turning his head to speak his words got caught in his throat. Walking towards him was a still damp Castiel. His dark wavy hair mussed up in every direction, heat from the shower still evident on his skin, and clad in the new boxers Dean had purchased. He was practically naked. I mean, yea he had on socks and a shirt but Dean was still getting use to seeing him in something other than Jimmy’s old get up.

“What?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“I know but you’re staring. Is my shirt on backwards again?” Cas tugged at his neckline to make sure the tag wasn’t in the front.

“No.” Dean smiled and got off the couch to meet the other man half way. “You just look good.” He cupped the shorter mans face and leaned in to kiss him. What was meant to be sweet and innocent took a sharp left turn as Castiel boldly grabbed Deans hips and pulled him flush against his own body.

Dean couldn’t help the surprised sound that came out of his mouth but he allowed himself to be pulled in. He got the feeling that he was going to be getting manhandled a lot now, and that was more than ok with him. He moved his hands from his friends face to loop his arms around his neck pulling them ever closer together. He tilted his head a little urging Cas to do the same. Damn, he was a good kisser. His thoughts were interrupted as he felt his lips being parted by the other mans and a groan was pulled from him as he felt teeth scrape against his bottom lip and gently tug. He moved to thread his fingers through the curls at the back of Castiel’s neck and gave an experimental tug.

“Dean…” Cas all but growled and the sound of his name being said like that sent heat spiraling through him. Bright blue eyes found his for a moment and then he was yanked back in being kissed breathless. All at once his tongue was tangling with the others and two big strong hands had found their way to his ass. He felt himself getting hard. It had been ages since a kiss had him this turned on. He felt a small twinge of panic in his chest. What the hell was he doing? This was his friend… his guy friend. This was Cas! Wait, this was… Cas. His Cas. His best friend. His protector. His savior. His angel. He felt his heart swell and he pulled back to look into the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen.

“Dean, is something wrong? Did I… was that…”

“Cas, no that was perfect.”

“Then why do you look like that?” The concern was evident in his voice, even to himself. He really hoped he hadn’t made a mistake. Dean once again cupped the other man’s face and placed a sweet kiss to his full lips. He pulled away but left his hands where they were and willed the other man to look him in the eyes.

“I just realized something.”

“What’s that?”

“I love you.” He smiled as he said it but still scared of what it meant. He didn’t have long to worry because as soon as he’d said the words there was a mouth once again attached to his. He chuckled at Castiel’s response. The shorter man pulled away slightly to return the sentiment.

“I love you too.” And just like that the feeling in the room shifted again. Castiel pulled him forward and maneuvered them over to the table shoving Dean slightly backwards so he could lean against it. He slotted himself between the hunters legs and attacked his mouth once more. Dean knew instantly there was no chance of survival when he felt a hardness rub against his own.

“What *kiss* about the *kiss* movie?” Dean managed to question.

“It’s a dvd *kiss kiss* It’ll keep.” Dean let out a surprised sound when he found himself being pulled from the table and kissed roughly as Cas maneuvered them towards the bedroom with little effort. Damn he’s strong. Once through the door the shorter man turned them and used his foot to swing the door closed. He broke free of the hunters mouth and pushed him back until Deans legs were touching the edge of the bed. Then it sank in. Cas wanted more than kisses.

“Cas *kiss* Cas? *kiss* Hey wait a minute.” Dean placed a hand on the other man’s chest and extended his arm slightly to allow a little distance to be put between them.

“Dean what are you-” The fear in the hunters eyes registered with him then. “Dean, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to push. He began to pull away but was anchored with a hand on his hip.

“Cas stop. It’s ok. I just think we should talk for a second. I want this, and I want you. I have for a long time but I’ve never…” Dean gestured back and forth between them.

“Well neither have I.” Cas admitted.

“Ok, good. So we’ve established that. Do you really want this?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, well um how do we figure out who… uh *cough* um who, ya know?” He was so embarrassed. Thank chuck that his friend didn’t have the same social barriers because one of them was going to have to take the lead here.

“You mean how do we figure out who does what?”

“Yea, that.” Deans face felt like it had caught fire

“I am… uncertain. We can try whatever you’d like. Since neither of us have a point of reference I say we just do what feels right.” Cas silently hoped that his answer would suffice.

“Yea that makes sense.” Dean still looked nervous as Cas raised his hand to run his fingers though the sandy brown locks in front of him.

“Dean, we don’t have to do anything at all. This is a bit fast paced considering that you’ve only just told me how you felt. My want for you is obvious but please do not feel obligated to do something you’re not comfortable with.”

“Same goes for you ya know. You say the word and we go back out there to watch the movie.” Cas’s fingers scratched at the hair on the back of Deans neck as he spoke.

“Thank you for that Dean.” Cas placed a simple kiss to the hunters lips.

“How are you so confident? Man I’m supposed to be the one… and here you are talking to me like I’m the most precious damn thing on the planet and I can’t even stop myself from feeling, from being… I’m, I’m scared Cas.” Now that he’s started the open thing he can’t stop. And if he’s being honest he doesn’t want to stop. He enjoys finally having this, finally being safe.

“I’m not confident Dean. Not in the slightest. I’m terrified. But you’re my best friend and I trust you.” Cas continued to hold physical contact hoping it would calm Dean’s panic but his words seemed to work better.

“I’m so sorry. I want this, really. But, I don’t know where to start.” He needed to be told. He needed Cas to to just resume manhandling him and he was hoping desperately that the other man would take mercy on him and figure it out.

“I take it you would like me to lead the way.” With Dean’s slight nod he continued to speak. “And you are fully aware that I have no Idea what I’m doing outside knowing the mechanics of the act?” Another nod.

“I’m sorry Cas. I know it’s unfair to expect … I know that you don’t have any more experience with this than I do, but I don’t… I’m’ not sure…” Castiel silenced him with a quick kiss.

“Well how about for tonight we simply be with each other? We can go back to the living room and watch the movie. I really didn’t intend to react that way, it’s just.” Cas gestured to Dean at a loss for words.

“Trust me Buddy, I know.” A smile graced Dean’s face as he spoke. He reached out and gently laced their fingers together to pull the other man with him.

They quickly situated themselves on the couch after Dean started the movie. He sat in the corner slightly turned sideways and Cas took the liberty of fitting his body precisely into the empty space next to him. As the movie played on they shifted around a bit and ended with Castiel snuggled on Dean’s chest with their legs intertwined and stretched across the remaining couch cushions. After the dogs first brush with death Cas was struggling to swallow the lump in his throat but as John sat beside his beloved pet as he was put to sleep his sobs came quietly. Dean combed his fingers through dark waves in an attempt to comfort the other man. After the family said their goodbyes under the shade tree the former Angel sat up and scrubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry… I don’t know… I didn’t mean to get your shirt all wet.” He kept his head low feeling awkward for some reason. When Dean took a little too long to respond Cas looked over to see the other man staring at the ceiling.

“Wait, Dean are you crying?”

“No!” He replied with a shaky voice. It was then that Cas noticed the tear streaks. He found it odd that he hadn’t felt Dean’s breath become uneven. It was most likely the result of years of practice at crying in a way that no one would know. Cas reached and pulled Dean up to him enveloping him in a strong hug and holding him safely to his chest.

“I’m Marley.”

“What?”

“I’m Marley Cas. All I do is break things and tear stuff up and ruin moments. And for some reason people love me anyway and then they get hurt.” He pressed in closer to the other man’s chest breathing in deep a smell that was uniquely Cas.

“You’re not a … a bad dog Dean. You’re a sweet, kind, loyal, goofy guy. Well ok, maybe you’re kind of like Marley.” They both let out a soft chuckle. “You made my point for me though. Just because you’re a little headstrong and rambunxious doesn’t mean you’re unlovable. In fact it’s not a matter of loving you despite those characteristics, it’s loving you because that’s part of what makes you who you are. And of course the family was hurt. The thing they loved so purely was taken from them. They may have even felt a little guilty for wanting a ‘normal’ dog at one point. But they realized no one could ever replace Marley.”

“You’re so good with words Cas.” Yes, Dean was getting better at communicating but after hearing something that sweet he got a little shy.

“I told you, I don’t get words wrong.” He placed a kiss to Dean’s head while giving him an extra squeeze. Dean straightened up and pulled back

“I know it’s still kinda early for us but do you wanna…” He trailed off still unsure of himself making a small gesture towards the bedroom. Without speaking Castiel turned the t.v. off and made his way to the door with Dean following closely behind. After entering the room they both stopped short and stared at the bed for a moment.  

“So…”

“It’s a bed Dean, not an alligator.” Cas really did have a way with words.

“I know that! We’ve just never, ya know?”

“What? Shared a bed?”

“Yea.”

“That’s not entirely true.” Cas raised an eyebrow at him

“Purgatory don’t count. That wasn’t a bed and you weren’t asleep.” Dean thought back to the first night after finding Cas. The ground was cold and damp and the old tree was uncomfortable against his back but as he sat shoulder to shoulder with his angel he’d finally felt some peace. Resting his head on the celestial being he was able to sleep longer than an hour at a time.

“Well, are you coming?” Cas had snuck past him and into bed as Dean had spaced out.

Managing just barely to contain the dirty response he’d let run through his mind, Dean lifted the covers and slid in next to the other man. He laid stiffly on the edge until he felt an arm drape across his belly. Cas yanked him across the bed and into his space.

“It’s just like the couch Dean, just more comfortable.” With a sleepy smile Cas leaned further in to place a sweet kiss to the hunters lips. Dean allowed his body to relax as his mouth went from being caressed to assaulted. Damn Cas and his expert kisses.

The ex-angel held him as if he were breakable gently rolling them until Dean was flat on his back. As they continued to kiss Cas took to using his free hand to explore. He cupped the other man’s face as he licked his way across pink pouty lips. His fingers traced down the column of Dean’s neck and came to settle at the dip of his collar bone brushing lightly over the skin leaving goosebumps in his wake.

“Cas…”

“Do you want me to stop?” Cas stilled completely waiting for an answer.

“Please don’t.” Dean yanked Castiel’s mouth back to meet his own as his other hand found its way up between his shoulder blades.

Smiling into their kiss Cas worked his hand between them to rest under the hem of Dean’s shirt. When he received no protest he slid his hand up under the shirt to rest over Dean’s heart. Flexing his fingers out he allowed them to brush over a pert round nipple.

“Caaaaass”

“You like that?” He asked as he did it again with cocky grin. Watching Dean’s face for cues Castiel continued to strum his fingers across the sensitive flesh.

“Well, let’s see if you like it!” With a smile on his face, Dean shoved his hand between them to pinch and twist at Castiel.

“Dean!” Cas squealed at the initial shock causing both of them to fall into a fit of laughter. As they calmed Dean captured a muffled chuckle with a kiss. Using his mouth to gently open Castiel’s lips Dean resumed his attack on Cas’s nipples changing the mood once again from playful to lustful.

After a while Cas began to squirm when the attention became too much. Sliding a hand behind Dean’s head he pulled him up close and ground his hips down in one motion eliciting a groan from both of them. They found each others’ eyes in the dim light of the room staring in their usual way. Only this time they both knew what it meant and it didn’t take long to have this silent discussion.

Castiel scooted back to allow Dean the room to sit up. Once he got there Cas took the liberty of pulling the white t-shirt over the hunter’s head. He took a moment to drink in the sight before him. Sure he’d seen Dean topless many a time, but never before had he been allowed to touch. And so touch he did. Starting at his throat Cas trailed his fingers down over his clavicle and across the span of Dean’s toned shoulders and back. He circled back up counting each rib then returning to his pecs, gently kneading the muscle using his thumbs to tease each areola. Placing a swift kiss to the other man’s now open lips he pushed, gently easing Dean back down to the mattress.

“Cas?” Dean looked… Well he looked gorgeous. But also slightly nervous.

“Too much?”

“No! No, it’s just uh… You’re more dressed than I am now.” With just a moment’s hesitation Dean sat back up and urged the shirt over Castiel’s head.

“There. May I continue?”

Dean’s smile was all he needed as an answer. Shifting off the bed he knelt at Dean’s waist, hooking his fingers into the band of the black sweats and keeping eye contact as he lowered them over Dean’s hips and down his long muscular legs. Cas felt the pressure low in his stomach increase at the sight before him. Dean had certainly changed over the years. His baby fat had melted to show defined cheekbones and a strong jaw. His middle that once held a six pack now sported a flat yet slightly squishy tummy. But one thing that remained constant was that Dean had always been the most beautiful thing Cas had ever seen.

“It’s rude to stare.” Dean mumbled trying to deflect from the blush spreading over his cheeks and chest.

“You needn’t be ashamed my love. You’re breathtaking.” Cas lowered himself to kiss the pout that had formed on Dean’s lips.

“Not ashamed… Ju-Just not use to… We’re uneven again.”  At that Castiel pulled back abruptly and shucked his boxers off.

“Better?”

“Come here you goof.” Dean (did not giggle) pulled Cas back to him for more kisses. He let his hands wander across broad shoulders and down to the cutest toned butt he’d ever laid eyes on. He gave a firm squeeze and laughed at the obscene sound coming from Castiel’s mouth.

“Nice ass, Cas.”

“I was a runner in a past life.”

“Dude, did you just make a joke about Jimmy?” **  
**

“Is that a problem?”

“Never change Cas.” Dean kissed the confusion away continuing to grope the soft round curves of Castiel’s body. **  
**

They had been so wrapped up in each new touch that neither of them noticed how close certain parts of them were to each other, and as Cas shifted to lay fully on top of Dean they felt the first slide of hot, hard, flesh on flesh.

“Mmmmm Cas do that again.” Dean surged his hips up to meet the downward thrust this time. While he was lost in the sparks of bliss Castiel shifted further down leaving a path of kisses behind him. Without any sort of warning he licked a warm wet stripe up the length of Dean’s erection. Hearing a loud gasp of encouragement Cas moved to take the head onto his mouth sucking lightly as he became use to the foreign sensation. It didn’t take long to adjust to the new taste so he allowed his jaw to go slack and swallowed down the rest.

“Shit Cas!” Dean’s instincts had him threading his fingers through the dark curls at the back of the other man’s neck. He reminded himself that this was probably Cas’s first time doing this and he probably shouldn’t interfere too much. However, that thought was gone the moment Castiel reached up to grab the hand in his hair and push down. Dean thrust upward into the waiting heat and took the gesture for what it was. He used his fingers to apply a small amount of pressure to the back of Cas’s head at the same time. He knew after a few moments of this that he wasn’t going to last long. Using what little will power he had Dean pulled away.

“My turn handsome.” Dean replied to Castiel’s disgruntled look. He flipped them and with more confidence than he felt he lowered his mouth to lick the underside of Castiel’s leaking member. Dean was no blushing virgin, except in this case he was. He knew he’d been blessed in the crotch region but Cas…. Cas was intimidating and he hoped with all that he had that Cas didn’t expect the same trick he’d pulled off because that wasn’t going to work. Taking a deep breath he wet his lips and engulfed the length before him. Using his hand to work over the part his mouth couldn’t reach he gave Cas every move he’d enjoyed in the past. He pulled back hollowing his cheeks and swirling his tongue as he reached the top. Moving back down he brought his hand up to meet his lips, twisting ever so slightly. He used the other hand to cup Cas’s sack and roll it over his palm as he continued to use his mouth to bring his lover to the edge.

“Dean, wait!” Cas yanked the other man up and into a searing kiss.

“Cas, did I… Ar- Are you-”

“Just want you up here with me. Want to see you.” Cas guided Dean’s hand to where it needed to be and in turn reached for Dean at the same time. Taking the hint Dean shifted and they moved in tandem urging ever closer to release. Cas kissed Dean with an urgency he’d never known. It was as if he couldn’t get close enough.

“Dean look at me.” Green eyes snapped open to meet the waiting gaze of his lover. That’s all it took. Ten years of staring had been enough and the look on Cas’s face sent Dean hurtling towards orgasm. He never stopped moving though wanting Cas to join him he said what he knew would do it.

“I love you.” Watching Cas fall apart was his new favorite thing. He made a promise to himself that it would happen as much as possible from now on.

“I love you too.” Cas laughed as he finally settled. Dean got up briefly to acquire a warm wet cloth for them. After they’d cleaned up they settled back into each other. Dean felt safe for the first time in his life as he fell asleep in Castiel’s arms listening to the sound of his heartbeat.


	8. Chapter 8

 

The first thing Cas became aware of was a bright light behind his eyelids. The second was the coolness beside him. He sat up quickly taking in his surroundings.

“Dean?!”

“In the kitchen!”

Cas figured he was making breakfast as the warm salty smell of bacon hit his nostrils. Reaching up to rub the sleep from his face he noticed a new weight on his left hand. Looking down he was surprised to find a leather corded bracelet that in the center was a silver feather that was tethered to each end of the strap.

After finding his discarded clothes from the night before he stretched and found his way to the kitchen.

“Morning sunshine. Coffee?” The sentiment was the same as the last time but a new memory took place of the old one as Cas leaned in for a kiss.

“Yes please.” He didn’t mention the gift right away which made Dean wander if he even knew it was there.

“Sleep well?” Dean grinned and wagged his eyebrows suggestively.

“Yes I did. How did you sleep?” Cas asked taking a sip of coffee from the cup Dean had made just the way he liked.

“Better than I ever have.” Dean kissed Cas’s cheek as he set a plate on the table. “Thanks for that.”

“Are you done cooking? If so I have something for you.” Dean turned the stove off and faced the other man.

“Ok I’m all yours.”

“Close your eyes and hold out your left hand.”

“Cas, I… I don’t…”

“Just do it.” Dean did as requested and felt the brush of Castiel’s fingers against his pulse point. Then he felt something wrap around his wrist.

“You can look now.”

Dean opened his eyes to find a leather corded bracelet that held a silver sword in the center.

“Cas… Did you… When did you get this?”

“When we stopped at the grocery store. When did you get mine?”

“At that gas station… Cas, thank you.”

“Thank you as well. I love it Dean.”

“I know sometimes you miss being an angel and not being one has changed you a lot. I wanted you to know that I’ll always remember who you are and even though you’re as you put it ‘a boring human’ you’ll always be my angel.”

“It’s funny you say that. When I got this for you I thought of all the times you were told you were just a sword, a tool for heaven and how every time you proved them wrong. You used what you were made for to shape your own destiny and I’ve always admired you for this. That despite what you were told your purpose was you pushed forward for your family. You’ll always be more than that, more than a sword to me.”

Dean wrapped the love of his life in his arms and held on for dear life.

“Let’s eat before the food gets cold.” Dean kissed him soundly before releasing him to his seat at the table.

“Dean may I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“What’s the baby oil for?” Dean laughed as he took a bite of his food.

“I’ll show you after we eat.”

The next week was spent in the comfort of each others presence. They read, watched movies, and learned each other’s bodies. Turns out Dean really likes having a boyfriend.

Teaching Cas to swim was one of the best days. He told him of his first guy crush and how he learned to swim. They swapped stories of their own memories from things that had happened over the past decade. Dean will never forgive himself for turning Cas away even if it was to save Sammy. And Cas cried recounting the times he felt he’d let Dean down. He apologized more than he should and Dean accepted it without hesitation. He kissed his own apologies into Castiel’s skin for the words he couldn’t find.

On the tenth day they decided it was time to go home. Castiel missed Jack quite a bit and Dean couldn’t wait to make his little brother uncomfortable with the outrageous amount of PDA that was going to happen. Because it will happen, he’s already decided. He’s hidden enough.

~~~~~~~~~

“Sammmmmmyy we’re home!” Dean braced himself expecting to be trampled by the moose but was surprised when instead he had his arms full of nephilim.

“I’ve missed you guys so much! How was your trip?” Jack let go of Dean only to turn around and grab Cas.

“Yea Dean how was it? You never called me back.” Dean was met with a stern face.

“Oh uh… Sorry brother. Got distracted.” Dean reached out to grab Castiel by the hand now that he was free. Sam couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face as he wrapped his smaller-big brother in his arms.

“You’re lucky your boyfriend texted me to let me know you guys were ok.” He let go of Dean to engulf Cas in a tight hug.

“You were already family to me but I feel like I should re-welcome you.”

“Thanks Sam. We made you something!” Cas turned around to grab a box and set it in front of the other man. Opening it he found a pretty cool looking lamp.

“You made me a lamp?”

“It’s not just a lamp, it’s a lava lamp!” Cas flipped the switch on the small battery powered appliance and after a moment the colors in it began to swirl.

“Cool! How’d you guys make this?” Cas smiled as he responded.

“Food coloring and baby oil. Did you know, it’s a very versatile mineral oil. It can be used for all sorts of things from beauty products, crafts. Even lubri-”

“That’s enough honey! No need to ruin the surprise now, I’m sure Sammy would like to figure some of those out for himself.” Dean kissed Cas’s pout away

“I’m so happy for you guys but that’s going to take some getting used to.”

“So you guys are together now? Like together, together?” Jack didn’t seem confused as much as he did curious

“Yea Jack we are…, you ok with that? I mean I know Cas is like a dad to you-” Dean wasn’t able to finish his question before he had his arms full again.

“Of course I’m ok with it. I love you too ya know.”

For once they were all happy, healthy, and together. Dean knew it wouldn’t last but he had his family and he and Cas finally had each other so they would be ok.


End file.
